Writing progress

Thursday, I was organizing my room (after having boxes of… well, crap… dumped in it from my old room upstairs) and I came cross some old high school and college papers.

Really?

They make me laugh now.  One high school short story was about 2 young adults that met on the beach and they both came from wealthy families.  It didn’t have very much in the way of a plot, but my teacher loved it and gave me a top score on it.  Her comment?  I could make a living writing romance novels.

If anyone is looking for me…  well, tell them I’m hiding.  And I won’t come out for anything.  All right, maybe I’ll come out for Aliza.  Perhaps my sister.  And any of the other people I love.  Ahhh!  There’s no food under the bed, and no bathroom either.  Guess I have to come out.  Eventually.

Writing is a learning process.  That is, learning how to write well.  Everybody can write.  Everybody has the potential in them to write something.  Sadly, most people don’t go beyond writing grocery lists, family newsletters once a year and signing checks.  There are a lot of jobs out there that require writing.  Teachers write lesson plans.  Cops fill out paperwork.  So do lawyers, doctors, etc, etc.

If I were to write that story about the couple on the beach today, I would write it better.  Maybe one of the characters would be a cancer survivor, like I am, and going to med school to be a pediatric oncologist.  He/she would bring the other main character to a children’s hospital ward.  And I would probably change the names of the characters to freshen the story up beyond the plot.  As it is, it’s not a story as much as a character study. A shallow character study.

I am glad I found those papers.  I had a chance to see how far I’ve come as writer, and how far I’ve yet to go.  And now, I’ve got a whole year to really buckle down on my writing.  It will be quite the ride!

The Sky is NOT the limit

2012 is coming on us fast.   Another trip around the sun.  365 days.  Tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve, and then, Sunday, January 1, I am starting another round with the Ultimate Blog Challenge group I found on facebook.  Or maybe it found me.  I don’t really remember.   Maybe my posts will become shorter as I begin to work on another writing project.  Whatever happens, it’ll be okay.  I’ll be okay.  I know this because I trust God.

You know that saying, “the sky’s the limit”?  It is less true today, now that man has set foot on the moon. If you aim for the sky, then you are not shooting far enough.  It’s a long way down if you fall.  But if you aim for the moon, yes, you will land among the stars.  

I confess I have been limiting myself.  At times, my thinking I can do something is hindered by this body I am in.  In 2012, I want to stop that.  I want to shoot for the moon.  I think I deserve it.  I won’t listen to the lies my mind tries to feed me.  Who says I can’t do something?  I will prove them wrong. 

For too long now, I’ve been ruled by fear.  This was especially true in high school.  Back then, fear caused me to shut down, and at times, it still does.  But all fear does is hold me back.  And I am sick of it.  So very sick of it.  No more.  I am moving ahead.  I am ready.  

“…make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance…” 2 Peter 1:5a-6a (NIV)

Victory is possible.  There was a time when I didn’t think that was true.  There was no way that could be true, right?  Lies, lies, all of it, lies!  I have to start with baby steps.  They’re a little wobbly, but they will get stronger as time goes by.  I read today that we often care more about long term successes than we do about small victories.  And as a result, these small victories are downplayed, and we end up losing sight of our main goal.  We get discouraged.  The reality of what we want seems so far away.  But we are the ones who are taking the backward steps.  

In Peter 1:5, we are told to add some things to our faith – goodness, knowledge, self-control and perseverance.  I think the last two are particularly important to me, because they are what I need the most.  The first two are no problem.  I strive to be kind no matter what, and I know a lot of things.  And I am still learning.  As for perseverance and self-control, I am working on it.  I am getting ready to shoot for the moon.  

 

In the year 2011…

Good things that have happened this year

My niece turned 2.  How is it possible that she is almost 3?  She was born just yesterday!

My best friend got engaged

I saw Glee live in concert in San Diego at the end of May.

I was able to help celebrate my best friend’s 30th birthday WITH her (she lives in AZ and I am in WA)

Sea World!

Yuma!

I was asked to be a bridesmaid in same friend’s wedding.  The week of July 4th, I will be flying to San Diego (hopefully with my parents and sister) and standing up for Tammy as she weds Curtis.

First summer reunion with my mom’s family in a long time, in Hillsboro, Oregon!  Mersie was there, laughing right along with us.

I started blogging, which motivates me to write, if not every day, then on most days.

I had lots of promising writing ideas – just need time to work them out!

My sister transferred to an university one hour from home…  so we get to see her more often now!

I got involved in spreading childhood cancer awareness.  Someday, 46/7 is gonna come to an end.  I just know it.  BELIEVE.

I turned thirty and I AM STILL ALIVE!  Amazing.  By the grace of God alone, I am here, with the ability to reach out to others.  Thank goodness for the invention of the internet.  Otherwise…  my life would be very, very, very different.

My room is almost perfect.  It’s been half-full/half-empty for far too long.  Getting the stuff that was in my old room brought down to me helps.

I am so grateful to be able to spend as much time with my niece as I want…  Childhood is so fleeting.  I think every year of childhood – in a world where every child is as loved and cherished as Aliza is – should last 1,865 days (that is FIVE 365-day-trips around the sun).

I am grateful for Aliza’s smile.  There’s always that.  She’s such a happy little girl.  And with so many people to love her and to spoil her, why wouldn’t she be?

And last but not least, I am beyond grateful that Patrick and Angelica are engaged!  YAY!

2011 is ending on a lot of dreams and hopes and prayers for the future.

 

Christmas Reflections

I have not been actively blogging for a couple days because I’ve been busy.  I know that is a poor excuse for not writing, but it is true.  Busy with family.  Celebrating Christmas.  Cleaning.  My mom finally decided enough was enough and is cleaning out my old bedroom upstairs.  I think the fact that we are planning on hosting the 2012 Harlow-Phalen-Cloakey reunion has something to do with it!  Rediscovering old treasures is fun.  My mom brought down a big box of Buffy the Vampire Slayer novels and other merchandise.  I am so excited.  Buffy will never get old for me.

I asked my mom earlier about a stuffed pig I have.  His name is Mr. Gordo and he is a BtVS prop replica.  Of course.  My mom told me that he is currently in my niece’s bed.  Hmm.  Well.  At least he is getting the love of a child.  Which is the point of stuffed animals, yes?  Even stuffed animals that are prop replicas of a beloved show.

I love Mr. Gordo.  But I love my niece more.

I’ve been tangled up with the busyness that comes with Christmas too.  We all woke up relatively early (for ALL of us, that is) on Sunday.  Santa Claus had brought Aliza a little drum set.  I don’t know for sure, but it would not surprise me in the least bit if it had been Patrick’s idea.  She got spoiled, as per usual.  I got her clothes (with it, a fantastic purple tutu with a matching headband with a purple rose on it for dress-up), a stuffed dog, books, The Little Mermaid DVD (which actually came yesterday since I ordered on amazon.com and since it is in Disney’s vault for a couple more years…  had to order it from China! Boo.  Why have a vault at all?  Why can’t we have access to all movies at all times?  If not in stores, then maybe online.  That would free up shelf space), and The Little Mermaid toys.

I guess we all got a little spoiled for Christmas, not just the baby of the family!  I gave my mom a scentsy warmer with three scents, my dad got a clipboard/whiteboard that looks like CHS’s basketball court (remember he is the girls’ coach), and Ryan got 2 shirts from me.  I gave Patrick the same thing I gave him for his birthday – a gift card to autozone.  He hadn’t even used the first one (he lost his wallet for a while there) and so he has 2 gift cards to use there.  I gave Angelica pajamas and a gift card to Maurice’s.  And my sister got a shirt from Maurice’s and 3 seasons of How I Met Your Mother.  

I absolutely love all my presents…  but even more than that, I love the people who gave them to me.  :)

Last night, we had Christmas with my aunt’s family in Leavenworth.  Patrick and Angelica had car trouble, so Patrick and my dad stayed behind to take care of it (wait around for tow truck), while the rest of us went to my aunt’s.  There’s no snow in Cashmere, but you’d better believe there was snow in Leavenworth!  Geez!  We had snacks – my aunt had melted white chocolate chips and drizzled it on Chex Mix and Bugles.  Yum.  She also ground candy canes and tossed it in with popcorn… peppermint candy.  She did something to shaped marshmallows as well (they were shaped as gingerbread men and stars and I can’t remember what else)… they had chocolate on them, and they tasted like mint.  Spaghetti and/or lasagna for dinner.  Yum!  Some of my favorites.

Yet another reason why I have not been blogging regularly this week is because I wrote a guest-post for another blog – shared my story.  You can read the guest-post here.

Buffy Hijacks the Picture!

This is a better picture, not so dark. Hi, Buffy! Yay, Patrick and Angelica!

Christmas Eve Joy

Do you hear what I hear?

What?

Wedding bells, of course!

My brother Patrick proposed to his girlfriend Angelica last night and SHE SAID YES!

My mom wanted to take a family picture, and Patrick asked Angelica to come outside with him to help pick out a spot for it.  They went into the backyard, and after they had stepped off the steps, a lighted sign was turned up on my parents’ balconey.

“Marry me?” It said (as evident in the picture).

Gel was already part of the family, and soon, it will be official.  This is one of the best pieces of news of 2011!

P.S.  We did end up taking a family picture, but it was taken inside.  The pets were in it, and it was funny, because all three were looking at the camera!  Cheese!

He Remains With Us

Can you imagine that long ago night?  The reality of it is very much on my mind today.  The braying of the donkeys.  The stench of sweat mixed in with varying animal smells. The sounds of the animals hooves on the dirt floor.  The darkness.  Joseph’s whispered encouragement.  Mary’s moans of pain.  Did she know enough to focus on her breathing?  She must have.  Did anyone come to help?  Was anyone aware before the angels appeared to the shepherds in the fields?  Mary knew.  Joseph knew.  How much did they tell people before Jesus was born?  How did Joseph protect Mary from persecution for being pregnant without being married?  He must have married her right away.  God’s hand was on them both.  The Bible doesn’t give any account of the wedding though.  I imagine it was kind of an elopement.

If God first appeared in the flesh in a stable, of all places, then there is nowhere he won’t appear.  In the midst of grief, he is there.  He will take everything you throw at him, and then he’ll forgive you, because he is big enough to hold your sorrow and your anger along with the rest of the world’s.  When you refuse to acknowledge his presence, that is when he’s the most present.

It took me a long time to realize this, and even longer to understand it.  I had so much pain when I was growing up, so much anger.  I didn’t understand.  I didn’t understand why I had cancer and why things played out the way they did.  Why am I so weak when my spirit, my soul, is so strong?  I do not know.  But someday, I will.  I know I probably would not be where I am physically today if things were different.  I probably wouldn’t be writing this, probably be working somewhere doing something else.  I’d like to think that maybe my heart would be the same.  That maybe I would have become a counselor of some kind, a psychologist or maybe even a social worker.  I would be working with sick kids.  Forever a advocate for the children.

Today, I am thinking of a message in LeAnn Rimes’ book, “Holiday in Your Heart’:  We are so far from God, who do you think moved?  I come back to that time and time again, and the answer’s always the same.  I moved.  I am the one who gets ahead of God, or maybe I am the one who lags behind.  I know it must be true for you too.  Isn’t it for everybody?  When everybody else abandons us, we can rest assured that we are not alone.  He remains with us.  Nothing can drive him away.  He’s there until the end, until we join him in heaven.  Whereas we sometimes doubt his presence here on earth, we will be fully aware and fully immersed in HIM there.

This Christmas Eve, I challenge you to check yourself:  Are you in the same place as God?  If not, you have some work to do.  Go back or go forward, whichever it may be.  It may not be easy for you to relinquish control of your life, but trust me when I say this:  it will be worth it.  Whatever you are carrying around in your heart, you don’t have to carry.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” ~ Matthew 11:28 NIV

Not A White Christmas?

I will not be heartbroken if it is not a white Christmas.  I repeat, I will not be heartbroken if it is not a white Christmas.  Truthfully, I don’t really care.  It’s not like I spend a lot of time outside.  And the magic of Christmas is not wrapped up in snow.  Not at all.  But instead, it is more than two thousand years ago, wrapped up in a dirty manger, surrounded by darkness and filthy barn animals.  The true magic of Christmas lies with this baby, who grew up to die on the cross for the sins of all mankind.

We have had non-white Christmases before.  When it was a little too cold or a little too warm to snow.  Snow doesn’t make Christmas.  Not at all.  There are many places where it doesn’t snow in December.  And truthfully, I would be happy in one of those places.  If I never saw snow again, I wouldn’t complain.  But I know I will.  And I may complain about that, but at the same time I must remember that, snow, like everything else, is a gift from God.  It blankets the ground so that in spring, a time of rebirth, it can come alive again.

Last Christmas Eve, we went to Leavenworth, and walked around downtown, stopping by a church that had a living nativity scene in front of it.  I was freezing, sitting in my wheelchair despite the fact that I was wearing many layers.  I must have said, “I’m gonna die!” a thousand times (which is what I usually say when I am cold), but the truth was, I really didn’t mind.  Yes, last year, there was snow at this time of year.  Yes, last year was a white Christmas.

I saw a woman at last year’s nativity scene that reminded me of my grandmother.  She was tiny, like Mersie was, and I wanted to reach out and take her by the hand.  I didn’t.  She stood a few feet in front of me, off to the side.  I could have touched her – I wanted to so badly – but I didn’t.  I said a short little prayer for her and then released her – this stranger and Mersie both – unto God.

Today, I wonder at this God, this Savior who first showed up in the flesh in the stench of a stable.  Of all places.  Surely he could have picked a more favorable place to be born.  In the comfort of his own home, perhaps.  But no, he was born in Bethlehem, and having nowhere else to put him, his mother Mary put him in a manger.  I am sure the animals didn’t mind.  In fact, I bet even they knew, in their little animal minds, who HE was.  And why not?

God can reveal himself anywhere, even in darkness.  We can try to evade him, but the truth is, we can’t.  He’s everywhere at all times.  In the stillness of one moment and in the rush of the next.  When we are alone and when we are not.  When we hurt and when we are happy.  He is with us even if we try with all our might to get away from him.  And truthfully, why would we want to?  It is only with him that we are safe.  It is only with him that we are loved so much more than we can ever imagine.

What Gratitude Does

Gratefulness is a daily choice.  It cultivates a positive attitude.  If we only focus on what is wrong in our lives, how will we ever see what is right?  Gratitude does so much for us.  It boosts our moods.  It makes us kinder.  And in turn, people are kind to us.

So on that note, this week, I am grateful for the promise Christmas brings in the form of Jesus Christ.  He may not have been born on December 25th, but his birth and his promise are what we will celebrate on Sunday.   Through Jesus, God experiences humanity, and he knows how hard it is sometimes.  He knows we suffer.  And he took that knowledge and made our pain, all of it, his own when he died upon the cross.  Do you think he had to die?  I don’t.  I think all he had to do was nod a little or perhaps just tilt his head just the right way, and he would have stopped being persecuted.  He could have made people leave him alone if he wanted.  But he didn’t.  Why is that?  It is because he knew that what was being done to him was nothing if it meant it brought you and me to him for all of eternity.  God knows what it is like to lose a child, because, for a little while, when Jesus was dead, he lost his own beloved son.

The reward of believing in the promise of Christmas is eternal life.  We will bask in the glorious presence of  the Father and the Son, and we will see our beloveds who have gone on before us again.  I am grateful for the safety promise of Heaven, where nothing can ever hurt us again.  The world may be cruel, and lots of times things that happen to us don’t make sense, but I promise you this:  it’s not all for nothing.  If you believe, if you are grateful, then you’re safe too.  Christianity is based upon gratitude.  We are thankful for Jesus.  He came, he lived, he died, and he rose again.  And he did all of it for us!  Believe this with all your heart, all your mind, and all your soul – it is true.

His words are Life itself.  Be still and listen to the still, small voice inside of you.  It’s Him.  He brings life, healing, and strength.  Accept his good gifts.  All that has been done to you has been done to you by the world, not Him.  Trust Him in all things.  Give him all your sorrow, all your burdens, and he will gladly carry you through.  The battle’s already been won for each of us.  All of us.  

“Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you everywhere you go.”  ~ Joshua 1:9 NIV

Know you are not alone, despite what you believe or don’t believe.  This is my prayer for you.

 

Two Videos by April Lockhart

This girl is simply amazing.  She was born with only one hand, and today, at 16 years old, she’s becoming a star in her own right.  The above video is the  first song that she wrote and recorded.  It resonates in my own soul because the lyrics could have been my thoughts and feelings when I was in high school.  April Lockhart’s music is available on itunes.  To learn more about her, and to find the lyrics to her music, visit her website at http://www.aprillockhart.com

And to get us in the Christmas spirit, here is an original Christmas duet sung by April Lockhart and Tiffany Alvord, “Everybody Loves Christmas.”