Things I am Confident About

Confidence is important because it is what allows you to be the best possible “you” you can be.  After all, who can you trust if you cannot trust yourself?  Me…  I wasn’t always as confident as I am now, but yesterday does not matter anymore, does it?  I love reading lists other people make on their blogs, and I love making lists, so when I came across this prompt, I knew I had to do it.  As you read this list, I hope it resonates with you as well.

I am confident that I love.  When I love somebody, I look her/him at through God’s eyes.

That is how everyone should love.  When this world was created, there was no hate, no disease, no wars, etc.  The world is what it is because we made it that way.  Have we learned our lesson?  I hope so.  I know I have.  I don’t want to hurt anyone, ever.  I am human, though, and I do make mistakes.

I am confident that I am loved.  How else could I have made it this far if I wasn’t?

I’d be nothing today if I wasn’t loved.  I was blessed with a loving family who nurtured me and encouraged me to be all God created me to be.  I am not quite there yet, but I’m on my way.  I am also blessed with the most amazing friends on this planet.  I know that, no matter what, I’ll never ever be truly alone.

Philippians 1:6 – I am confident that he who began a good work in me will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

God will not give up on me because it is not in his nature.  When I fall, I look to him to help me up.  And when I succeed, I praise him, because he has made my success possible.  He strengthens me when I am weak, and for that, I am so grateful. I find that I am weak more than I am strong, but he causes me to be strong when it counts the most.

Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Everything is falling into place.  I know now that everything happens for a reason, even if we cannot see the reason behind everything that happens at the times they are happening.  We just have to trust, work with God through our insecurities, and eventually we will come out the other side.  God’s way is better.  Always.

Not to sound cliquey, but the best is yet to be.

You either believe or you don’t.  Personally, I find it pretty puzzling when people tell me that they don’t believe in God.  Just look at this world.  Everything you see, every bit of suffering here, is here because man is stubborn and didn’t (still doesn’t) think he needs God.  If this world was all there is, I’d be pretty disappointed.  Heartbroken, even.  Inconsolable.  I choose to believe in Heaven, a perfect Garden of Eden.  It’s man’s fault that the world is the way it is.  But with Jesus, we are given a chance to redeem ourselves.   We have a shot at paradise.  It will be the very best that God has to offer us, because we will no longer be separated from him.

I believe that God does not want us to suffer.  He does not spend his time trying to think of ways to make us miserable.  If he did, he wouldn’t be God.  Satan is the great Enemy.  He’s the one that we should turn our backs on, not God.  He’s the reason why there is so much bad in this world.  He’s the reason why some children do not get to grow up, why there is so much suffering in the world.

I think people spend so much time thinking about God that they forget that there is someone else…  someone who lurks and does not have our best interests in mind.  Someone who wants to permanently separate us from God.  But there is someone, and his name is Satan.  Remember him?  He is not a god, just a fallen angel; therefore, he isn’t equal to God, nor is he God’s opposite.  He has limited power, which is why he needs us to do his dirty work for him.  When you hear him start to whisper, you can tell him to knock it off, to go away.  We are children of God – we are all made by God – and Satan has no claim on us, no matter how much he tries to convince us he does.

Knowing

 

I think I always knew what I was supposed to do.  With writing, that was easy, because once I learned how, it opened up a whole new world for me.  Suddenly, I knew I could make myself be understood.  From a very young age, I loved being read to, and often wanted the same book read over and over and over again.  I couldn’t get enough.  I was introduced to worlds beyond this one, to the magic of escape.  My reality was harsh, because the outside of me didn’t, and still doesn’t and never will in this life, match the inside of me.  Now though, I am used to it, and don’t really see all the stuff I cannot do, because I am too busy doing what I can do.

Ever since  I was told I had cancer when I was a baby, that I wasn’t born with these physical disabilities, this hearing loss, this speech impediment, I have always wondered why on earth I was alive.  Now, though, I think I finally get it.  I am here today to do what I have been so immersed in the last two years – childhood cancer advocacy.  Maybe I’ve always known this.  I’ve always been drawn to stories about childhood cancer, both real and in fiction.  Perhaps it is because I can’t remember my own experience with cancer, and I’m thirsty for whatever shred of truth I can get.  I think it took me longer to become self-aware because of this.  I didn’t really start to compare my body to everybody else’s until after I got the scoliosis brace in elementary school.  It was like someone dimmed the lights on me.  I was different.  I couldn’t ever be “normal” no matter how many times I wished it.

This is the main reason why I am fighting this fight, because I remember all too well what it is like to be small, afraid, and helpless.  To be so scared of this big bad world that rushes on each day as if you don’t matter.  I spent my childhood living mostly from my head.  I remember nights, laying in the darkness, imagining a better world.  Imagining that my house was part of a train, and that when I woke up in the morning, I would be in a new place, leaving my hurts behind.  What had happened that day didn’t matter.  It was gone, a part of the past.  And the people who stared at me, teased me, ignored me?  They’d be gone and in their place would be angels who would accept me and love me.  ’Cause that is all I wanted.  That’s all anybody wants.  I know this because everyone is human, and human beings thrive on love.  Of course, they thrive on hate as well, but in a different, harmful way.

I’m wondering what it was like for you when you were growing up, my dear readers.  Did you know, like me?  Did you fight your destiny, like me?  Are you living your dream, or are you just making do with what you have?  You don’t have to settle.  Whoever told you that is a liar, even if it was yourself.  I am slowly waking up to the truth of who I am and the reasons why I’m still here in this life, in this body with its limitations, and I feel empowered.  I know I can do this.  I know I cannot do it without God’s help.  He is, after all, the sole reason why I am still here.