November Gratitude List Part 2

11.  I am thankful for our veterans, because without their selflessness, their sacrifices, their commitment, and their bravery, we could not live the lives we do.  We would not be free.  Freedom isn’t free.  It comes at a price, and often, that price is one of blood.

12.  I am thankful for the fact that, even though every now and then, we have natural disasters like the recent Hurricane Sandy, we can pull together and help one other.  Just letting someone know that you are there for them does wonders for the soul, yours and theirs.

13.  I am VERY thankful that the 2012 presidential election is over (praise the good Lord in Heaven!), and I pray for President Obama…  that he will accomplish everything he has said he will do and will say he will do.  I pray that he will be a strong source of change for the better, and won’t be hampered by those who refuse to believe in him.  The rest is in God’s hands.

14. I am thankful for the good things that are headed my way, for I know that they are coming.  God has said, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)  Because of that, I will face the bad stuff with my head held high and NEGU.

15.  I am thankful, so thankful, for music, and I am beyond grateful that I am able to hear it.  Life is kinda like a musical for me (like Glee or The Sound of Music).  There is always, always, always a song in my head.  Never a quiet moment!

16.  I am thankful for food, shelter, clothing, basic necessities that I often take for granted.  I am trying to eat better, take more vitamins (really bad about that, unless I am on a streak, but my friend Jennifer B is right…  I do need to get better at taking vitamins.  Don’t want to get a deficiency of any kind and I will have more energy if I just take the stinkin’ vitamins, so, yep, thankful for vitamins!), and trying to clean ALL the things (thanks Hyperbole and a Half for that phrase, use it all the time now) more often.

17.  I am thankful for each day as it comes, because the truth is, I am so lucky to be alive.  God knows what he is doing with my life, and that is good enough for me.  Once upon a time, it wasn’t, and I demanded to know why, and when He was silent, I turned away from Him.  But I was led back to Him…  all roads lead home, no matter where I am.

18.  I am thankful for entertainment (TV, books, movies/dvds), for it is a great distraction, and takes me out of my world for awhile.  I need that for a little while each day.  I need to escape.  I need a little fiction mixed in with the reality, a little fantasy.  I need to worry about made-up problems for a while, get lost in another world.  It is because of this I have no interest in reality shows.

19.  I am thankful for the simple things that make life bearable when it is unbearable – pain relievers, coffee, hugs, words of encouragement, the comfort and security of my bed, the knowledge that I am loved and that I am fully capable of loving in return.  Also, body butter, to which I have just been re-introduced.  Ever since my last back surgery, my back itches endlessly, and I have gotten to the point where I am used to it, it doesn’t bother me.  My aunt Lisa gave me some body butter for my birthday, and ohmygosh! I could tell the difference. Instant relief.

20.  I am thankful for all the earth angels in my life, the people who lend a helping hand, who smile at me, who hug me, and make me feel safe and loved.  The ones who say the encouraging words I so need to hear, the ones who let me love on THEM.  And the ones from afar, the ones I have yet to meet in person.  I am thankful for you all.  Please know that even if we don’t meet on this side of life, we will meet in Heaven without a doubt.

Things I am Confident About

Confidence is important because it is what allows you to be the best possible “you” you can be.  After all, who can you trust if you cannot trust yourself?  Me…  I wasn’t always as confident as I am now, but yesterday does not matter anymore, does it?  I love reading lists other people make on their blogs, and I love making lists, so when I came across this prompt, I knew I had to do it.  As you read this list, I hope it resonates with you as well.

I am confident that I love.  When I love somebody, I look her/him at through God’s eyes.

That is how everyone should love.  When this world was created, there was no hate, no disease, no wars, etc.  The world is what it is because we made it that way.  Have we learned our lesson?  I hope so.  I know I have.  I don’t want to hurt anyone, ever.  I am human, though, and I do make mistakes.

I am confident that I am loved.  How else could I have made it this far if I wasn’t?

I’d be nothing today if I wasn’t loved.  I was blessed with a loving family who nurtured me and encouraged me to be all God created me to be.  I am not quite there yet, but I’m on my way.  I am also blessed with the most amazing friends on this planet.  I know that, no matter what, I’ll never ever be truly alone.

Philippians 1:6 – I am confident that he who began a good work in me will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

God will not give up on me because it is not in his nature.  When I fall, I look to him to help me up.  And when I succeed, I praise him, because he has made my success possible.  He strengthens me when I am weak, and for that, I am so grateful. I find that I am weak more than I am strong, but he causes me to be strong when it counts the most.

Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Everything is falling into place.  I know now that everything happens for a reason, even if we cannot see the reason behind everything that happens at the times they are happening.  We just have to trust, work with God through our insecurities, and eventually we will come out the other side.  God’s way is better.  Always.

Not to sound cliquey, but the best is yet to be.

You either believe or you don’t.  Personally, I find it pretty puzzling when people tell me that they don’t believe in God.  Just look at this world.  Everything you see, every bit of suffering here, is here because man is stubborn and didn’t (still doesn’t) think he needs God.  If this world was all there is, I’d be pretty disappointed.  Heartbroken, even.  Inconsolable.  I choose to believe in Heaven, a perfect Garden of Eden.  It’s man’s fault that the world is the way it is.  But with Jesus, we are given a chance to redeem ourselves.   We have a shot at paradise.  It will be the very best that God has to offer us, because we will no longer be separated from him.

I believe that God does not want us to suffer.  He does not spend his time trying to think of ways to make us miserable.  If he did, he wouldn’t be God.  Satan is the great Enemy.  He’s the one that we should turn our backs on, not God.  He’s the reason why there is so much bad in this world.  He’s the reason why some children do not get to grow up, why there is so much suffering in the world.

I think people spend so much time thinking about God that they forget that there is someone else…  someone who lurks and does not have our best interests in mind.  Someone who wants to permanently separate us from God.  But there is someone, and his name is Satan.  Remember him?  He is not a god, just a fallen angel; therefore, he isn’t equal to God, nor is he God’s opposite.  He has limited power, which is why he needs us to do his dirty work for him.  When you hear him start to whisper, you can tell him to knock it off, to go away.  We are children of God – we are all made by God – and Satan has no claim on us, no matter how much he tries to convince us he does.

Embracing the Journey

I have not always embraced my journey.  Growing up, I definitely had times when I completely wanted to reject my journey.  I didn’t want my cross.  Now, more or less, I have accepted it.  I think acceptance came with the realization that this life is only temporary.  It’s not forever.  When I die to this life, I will be born again to heaven – a place of freedom, a place of love, a place of worship and song, and a place of beauty.  In my wildest imaginings, I do not even come close to the splendor that awaits.  Our heavenly life will be everything this life is not.  Pain does not exist there.  Separation from God is impossible.  Sadness will be eradicated.  This is the promise I cling to.  I will open my mouth in heaven and talk and not be stared at.  I will run, jump, dance.  My bodily scars will fade from sight.  They will no longer exist.  And I hope there will be horses in heaven because I want to ride again.  I hope there will be unicorns.  I know there will be magic.  Maybe not my exact idea of magic here on earth, but heavenly magic.  The purest kind there is.

When I was a child, I lost myself in books.  The Secret Garden – Mary, Dickon, and Collin were my friends.  Collin learning to walk again in the garden was a miracle, and I have always been one to believe in miracles.  Someday, I believe strongly that I will walk unaided in a garden.  I will stand on my own two feet, my own strength, and I will not fall.  A Little Princess – I found refuge in Sara Crew and her magic of make-believe.  One thing I learned from her is that if you believe in something enough and you want it badly enough, then it has a way of surprising you and actually happening.  And ahhh, Little Women.  Jo, Meg, Amy, and dearest Beth.  How I loved them.  These characters were more than characters to me.  Reading was how I escaped from reality.

And I knew in my dreams, I was free from my physical limitations, and I know now that heaven will not be too different from that.  Once upon a time, it was disappointing to me when I woke up and found everything exactly the way it was when I went to sleep.  I guess that is when I started having trouble sleeping.  I didn’t want to visit my dreamland knowing that sooner or later, my time there will end.  Better not to go there at all, I thought.  But it proved to be impossible, because after all, I am only human, and humans need sleep to survive.

So embracing my journey, for me, has been a process, and I still struggle from time to time.  This is my life, according to my mind and my heart, and someday, it will be a thing of the past.  I have earthly dreams.  I have earthly goals.  I have things to do, places to go, people to see.  People to meet.  Some will only be in my life for a little while, but many others will stay.  And every day is another chance to make a difference, to change the world.  It is not always easy, but it is worth it.  It has to be, because otherwise, what is the point of all this pain and suffering?

Last week, I read a status on Facebook that was shared from another page.  This mother went to the pharmacy to get her daughter’s prescriptions filled (the little girl had just been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor), and was wandering the aisles, lost, hopeless, sad, etc.  Suddenly, an annoyed voice cut through her thoughts – “I said excuse me.”  The mother had annoyed a perfect stranger by standing in the middle of an aisle so that the lady couldn’t pass with her cart.  The insensitive stranger didn’t think about what the mother was going through, probably gave no thought to the poor woman other than the fact that this person was in her way.  This insensitive stranger was only thinking of herself.  But what if she gave a moment’s thought to why the woman was standing there looking like the bottom of her world had fallen out from under her?  She didn’t need to get angry…  she just chose to.  We all make decisions like this every single day.  We don’t know everybody’s stories.  We can’t know, not unless we stop and take the time to know it.  Judge not, lest you be judged yourself.  I wonder what the insensitive stranger would have done if it had been her in the middle of the aisle and the mother with the cart?  How would the insensitive stranger deal with the terminally ill daughter?  If she had looked more closely at the mother, would she have recognized a soul in pain and reached out, instead of being nasty?

This world is not a compassionate one unless we make it so.  It starts with me and you and the next person as well.  Instead of striving for perfection in our own lives, let us strive for perfection in our neighbors’ lives.  And yes, by neighbors, I mean the lost-looking strangers at the pharmacy, in the streets, in line at the bank, sitting quietly in a corner at Starbucks, etc, etc, etc.  You’ll never know another person’s story unless you take the time to know it, and when you can’t know it, you can still treat him or her with kindness.  We have to not only embrace our own journeys, but also those of the people surrounding us, whether they be family, friend, or stranger.

30 DAY LETTER CHALLENGE: DAY 5: MY DREAMS

Dear Dreams,

I am unsure how to write this letter, since you are not a person, but a thing, or things – intangible things, so bear with me here.  I can’t touch you unless something tangible comes out of you, until you come true.  I dream of a better tomorrow.  I dream of a cancer-free world.  I dream of writing for a living.  I dream of so many things I have yet to put words to.  Most of my dreams are earthly ones, but some are rooted in heaven above.  Or heaven around us.  I dream of being free of this body, of physical limitations.  I know one day all of these dreams will come true.  One day.  I remind myself almost daily that the sky is NOT the limit – there are footprints on the moon, after all.  My most favorite quote of all time (and you know that’s saying something, because I just love quotes) is the one by Audrey Hepburn that goes like this:  ”Nothing’s impossible.  The word itself says ‘I’m possible.’”

Nothing’s impossible, even for me.  Or maybe I should say especially for me.  I can do anything and everything I want to do.  It may take me longer than everyone else, but I have faith that I’ll get there.  Sometimes, something will take root in my heart (like childhood cancer advocating) and it does not let go.  The fire I have for writing?  You know it started long ago, when I was seven years old.  I always knew what I was supposed to do, but I wasn’t always sure of how I was going to do it.  One step at a time is how.

I know I tend to live in my own little world most of the time – I think it’s easier for me to believe in myself when I’m alone, because there isn’t anyone to tell me no, I cannot do what I want to do.  If I chase you, my dreams, then I actually feel like I am living.  Without you, I would not be able to move forward.  You are my hope for tomorrow.  I look forward to you coming to life, becoming my reality.  As long as I keep moving forward with my eyes on the prize, I know I’ll be okay.

And who knows?  Maybe you will be more than I could ever dream you will be.

Love,

Danielle

HEAVEN IS HOME

I don’t know how certain people believe this life is all that there is.  We are made up of energy, and energy has to go somewhere at all times.  It cannot just dissipate – if it could, it would not be energy, but something else.  And we had to have come from somewhere, right?  So why not God?  Why not heaven?  The science of it would not exist without a beginning – if humans were already here to begin with.  It is nice to think we’re all related, one big happy family, traceable back to Adam and Eve.  I am not one to have a lot of patience when it comes to genealogy, but it is interesting to hear my grandfather talk about it.

I consider this world my temporary home.  There has to be more than pain and suffering, and it would be a beautiful thing to be reunited with the people we knew and loved but lost along the way.  This world gets us down more often than not, but I see a rainbow at the end of the storm.  We don’t belong here.  We belong with God.  We are here to make a difference, on loan.  We are here to fight for what is right, to love, to change things for the better.  Some people lose focus while we are here.  They become enamored with this world, and they think of death as the end of their existence.  But, oh, it’s only the beginning!

Heaven is home – no matter what happens to us in our lives, we will always have heaven.  It is some place beyond a veil so thin it’s amazing that we are very often unaware of that world.  Living people are surrounded by light and love, and by their loved ones on the other side.  It’s okay if you don’t believe it.   Everyone has the right to think for themselves, no matter what the collective world says.

I don’t know if it was my imagination or not, but last night, when I was reading in bed, I heard something that I should have not been able to hear because I did not have my hearing aids in:  screaming.  And no, I am not crazy and I wasn’t anywhere close to sleep when I heard it.  It was a long and shrill sound, and I heard it more than once.  I put down my book and held my breath for a minute before reaching up and putting my fingers in my ears.  Go away, please, whoever you are.  You’re scaring me.  I probably forgot the word please though.  Silence.  I tried to shrug it off, but the memory is still with me.  What was it?  What was the point of scaring me like that?  I don’t know.  The thing is, my dog, Buffy, did not react to the screaming at all.  Only I heard it.  It’s time for you to go home, whoever you are.  Maybe I am crazy after all.

Hope is closer than you (and I) think

First, I’d like to say that, yes, I know that image above is kinda freaky.  I mean, I have read too many ghost stories and seen too many ghost movies for my mind not to go there.  So, in disregarding that, the image does make a point.  Hope is always within reach, if you look for it.  And trust me, I am looking for it.

Hope.  What does it mean?  It’s the feeling that something is possible when you want it badly enough.  It’s the feeling of confidence that things will turn out for the best.  It’s a particular feeling that makes you look forward to something (the hope of something better to come).  Hope is the ground on which we stand.  Hope for a better tomorrow when today was awful.  Hope for someone sick to get better.  Hope can also be a person or a thing (example:  That doctor was her last hope).  Hope is the foundation in which we build our lives on.  Hope is what keeps us going.  Without hope, we would get nowhere.  We would all be moping fools.

One of the reasons why I haven’t been posting regularly is that I am trying to work something out in my head, and I know that if I write about it on here, I will lose interest in it.  And I can’t do that.  Not this time.  It’s too important.  It’s like a bird with a broken wing.  I can’t let it go until it is ready.  I have dropped bits and pieces here and there, mainly because I know I cannot do this alone.  I need other people to keep me grounded – so I don’t go crazy and give up before I even begin.  I’m always coming up with new things – what-ifs, maybes, and how-abouts.  Some of them will work, but a lot of them won’t.  And that is okay.  It’s a process, and it’ll take time, but I’ll get to where I am going.  I have no doubt about that.

Hope keeps me going – the hope of a better world, with no diseases, no wars, nothing bad.  Yes, I am a dreamer, but I do know that such a world exists – a world we cannot see with our human eyes.  It’s called Heaven, and it’s safe there.  Heaven is the safest place ever, but the only thing is, you have to die to this world in order to go there.  And the people you leave behind – they don’t know where you are.  They don’t know if you are safe.  That is where hope walks hand in hand with faith…  In order to believe in anything, you have to be open to it, right?  This makes me think of the quote in LeAnn Rimes’ book/movie, Holiday in Your Heart:  ”We are so far from God, who do you think moved?”

Here’s a clue:  It’s not God.

Window to Heaven

What if there was a physical window to Heaven?  A locked window from this world to the afterlife, one that connects us to our deceased loved ones?  My, how that would change things!  But maybe it is just as well that we don’t have a window that we can see.  How many of us would just stop living our lives and just sit outside that window?  We would become Heaven-watching zombies.

See?  God does know what he is doing after all.

This is a good idea to explore in fiction though.  A young mother had just lost her child to cancer.  Her faith is shaken.  One day, she is close to ending her life when she sees a ripple in the room, and then like a movie playing, she sees her child again, happy, healthy, and whole.  She tells her husband but he doesn’t believe her, thinks she is going off her rocker.  Even goes as far to having her committed against her will.  But her child and Heaven follow her.  She sees and hears bits and pieces of Heaven, part of an angel wing here, gentle, masculine hands here, notes of heavenly music like none she’s ever head before.

This gives me goosebumps just thinking about it!  And of course, I have to write it, to see where it goes.  The ideas for stories keep coming.  Am I ever going to have one moment’s peace?  No.  I mean, yes.  I am at peace when I am writing.  But too much is coming at once.  I still haven’t made anything of the ideas I’ve talked about before.  I’ve started, yes.  I’m in the middle of something right now.  It is too bad that I didn’t finish that spooky path story before Halloween. Time for a new goal, huh?

I’ll finish what God wants me to finish.  That’s it, isn’t it?  That was what has been wrong.  I’ve never felt a project deep within my soul as I do the ones that are waiting for me – the TV script, my autobiographical novel, and now this one.  Whoa, God!  Too much.  Tell my muse (angel?) to back off a little.  I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed here.  Have mercy on my humanness.  One thing at a time.  That is the way we roll.

 

Consequences. They’re stupid but necessary.

If I could go back in time and fix something in my life, it would be the very day my ear infections started in July 1984. If I was able to take my knowledge of the future back with me, I would paw at my ears and kick and scream and MAKE somebody, anybody, notice that there was something else wrong with me, something else other than the stupid cancer. If I knew then what I knew now…

But it is no use thinking like this. What is done is done. I know that someday, all this will seem like a dream, like it was somebody else’s life. Just minutes of a harsh reality in the face of heaven. Right now, though, it matters very much.

IF I could go back in time, I’d imagine that there would be consequences. Maybe things would spin out of control in my other life. There has to be a reason this happened. Maybe, in a strange way, I was saved from some horrible fate that would have taken place if this hadn’t happened. God only knows. I trust Him to have a reason for this. I was so lost and confused for the longest time. Angry too. But I’ve let it go. I know that if I was just like everybody else, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t be as strong. Because there wouldn’t have been any consequences (except scoliosis, for sure. Eff that. Even Sarah Michelle Gellar-Prinze has that, and she was Buffy the Vampire Slayer for years and years. I could have dealt with just scoliosis. As it is, I have to deal with my vulnerability – I prefer that word to “inability” but it still doesn’t sound good. I can’t win.)

At least this way, I get to live. I get to love the people around me. I’m still here for a reason. Maybe helping to find a cure for neuroblastoma and other childhood cancers is part of it. It has to be. I don’t want to be somebody who believes in everything but herself. It sounds funny, but I think that is my problem. I need to believe in my own capabilities in order to break free of my limitations. It’s easier said then done. I am a born procrastinator. I get fired up about something and it lasts for a short while, but only a short while, and I am back to floundering again. Doing nothing of import. Wasting my days away being lazy. Eff laziness!

That cycle needs to stop. I may be a born procrastinator, but I am also a born writer. If I could believe in that even the tiniest bit, there is no telling where I could go in life. Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon. I am looking at it this way: I won’t get anywhere by procrastinating. But by writing… oh, the places I’ll go!