Yesterday, I thought about what it would have been like to come to America from Europe with the Vikings or pilgrims.  The number on thing it would have been is strange.  Think about it.  You’re in a foreign land with little more than the clothes on you back.  If you survived the voyage, you have your work cut out for you.  The list of things to be done is never-ending.

I think of how horrible it must have been back then…  to wake up one day and find your child dead.  No explanation.  Just gone.  You don’t hear about it in the stories or in the history books, but cancer did not just appear suddenly.  It had to be around in the early days.  I really doubt that there were any means to diagnose it back in the day.  Oh, those poor, poor parents.

We as humans are, by nature, curious beings.  Good thing, too.  The more we know, the more we want to know.  But you know that tired old saying, “Curiosity killed the cat”?  Curiosity killed more than just the cat.  History repeats itself over and over.  If you believe in reincarnation, there’s no taking what you learned in one life to your next.  You start fresh as newborn baby.  No memories.  A blank slate.  Tabula rasa.

I, however, like to think we’re done when we take our last earthly breath.  I don’t claim to know why this happens or that happens…  I only know that when we die, it will all make complete sense, and the earthly pain we’ve carried will just melt away.  Compared to life in Heaven, this life of pain and suffering will just seem like a a dream we’ve had.  Life in Heaven will be perfect.  It will be joyful and so full of music.  Never silence.  I think that the silence here on this earth is more than enough for us.

If I could go anywhere, I would just pack up and go to Italy.  I’ve always wanted to go there.  See the cathedrals and the art sculptures, and just pretty much everything.  I’d learn to speak Italian.  Or, hire a translator.  I’d do anything I have to do to get there.   Maybe someday.  If I am really, really, really lucky.  If not, my spirit will visit after I am dead.  That is the only free way to go, right?  But I wouldn’t get to taste genuine Italian food.

 I am not going to take the credit, like Christopher Columbus did for the discovery of America, for my focus on childhood cancer awareness.  All my life, I’ve been struggling to make sense of what happened to me.  And now, I figure, the only way I can move forward is by joining the fight against it.  Wearing gold (though I admit at the moment, I don’t have much gold in my wardrobe.  Sadness).  Posting on facebook.  Posting on here about it.  Trying to raise awareness.  Because the cancers that get the most awareness get the most funding.  Look at breast cancer.  They say “early detection is key” and “awareness is key.”  Well, isn’t that true for ALL cancers?  Why is breast cancer crowding out all the others?  It doesn’t make any sense to me.

Don’t get me wrong…  I fully support breast cancer awareness.  I fully support any cancer awareness.  Much awareness is needed.  But I choose to fight for the kids just as hard.  Because I was one of them.  And ANY child could be one of them.  So I have been making changes in how I live my life.  I am no longer floundering.  I am focused.  I have a purpose to fulfill.  And I will.  Make no mistake about that.

4 thoughts on “Exploration

  1. Another touching post. I am not sure where I would go if I could go anywhere. What would I do? Interesting thought.

    I have lost too many loved ones of all ages to not agree whole heartedly with the “Well, isn’t that true for ALL cancers?” comment. Early detection and awareness is the key for them all.

    I love your blog. It makes me think. 🙂

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