What I Wanna Be

I always knew I wanted to be a writer when I grew up.  When I was in first grade, somebody – I cannot remember who – asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I promptly answered, “A writer.”  I didn’t even have to think about it.  I loved books.  I loved paper.  I love pencils and pens.  I loved words.  Anything that had to do with writing, I loved.  Talking frustrated me.  Nobody understood what I was saying.  But when I wrote, everybody understood.  It was magic.

I remember when I was learning to write, my teacher was walking around the classroom, and she stopped at my desk, and watched me for a few minutes.  Then she said, “Good, but Danielle, your spaces are too big.  Try to write your words closer together.”  I thought, “Seriously? Who cares how big my spaces are?” Well, apparently, she did.  So I had to watch myself from then on.

I was quick to realize that I was living an interior life.  I was my own best secret.  I live my life inside of my head – which is why I choose solitude over company.  People don’t get it.  Some try – they come close – but I don’t think they really, truly get it.  I don’t see myself as disabled the way the outside world does.  I see my thoughts in my head, and those define me.  People aren’t their bodies.  They’re the souls inside the bodies.

So what do I want to be when I grow up?  The short, easy answer hasn’t changed in 23 years.  I still want to be a writer.  I AM A WRITER.  What I wanna be is published, not just on the internet, but in books.  But that is only part of it.  The rest lies in helping others, helping to find a cure for the horrible diseases that are lumped in the childhood cancer category.  The rest of who I am lies in my heart.  I want to love, to give, to help.  My absolute favorite Disney movie is “The Little Mermaid.”  I love that song “Part of Your World.”  Most of the time, I don’t feel part of this world – I want more than I have, because I know this body of mine isn’t me – it isn’t all of me.  I have God to thank for that.  He is the reason I am here today.  He is the reason I am who I am, and he is the reason why, tomorrow, I will be who I will be.







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