God has always known what he was doing in my life, and He still does. I believe that with my whole heart. My lessons in humility began early. Number one was the cancer diagnosis. At just 16 months, I was being primed for this world, this life. Maybe I won’t completely understand it until I step into Heaven itself, but I understand it was necessary. Maybe that is an odd thing to say about cancer, especially when I am talking about childhood cancer, but I know there is a reason behind it. There’s a reason behind everything, whether or not we see it while we’re here.
I got another lesson in humility the summer before I turned three – the viral infection that damaged my brain stem and the disabilities that immediately followed. I got another lesson when I began school and started to understand that I was different than everybody else. I have asked God “Why” so many times, over and over. I have sobbed my heartbreak to Him countless times, and in His silence, I turned away from Him. But He never left me. He never leaves, not even when He is silent. He’s just waiting for us to call out to Him, to say that we’re ready for Him.
According to Wikipedia, humility is defined as “a quality by which a person considering his own defects has a humble opinion of himself and willingly submits himself to God and to others for God’s sake.”
I know I cannot do anything apart from God. If I try, I’ll fail. It’s that simple. His reasons may be beyond us in this life, but that’s okay. I think that if we were meant to know them, we would. We are put here on this life not to question “why,” but to listen to that small, still voice inside of us, take action, and when the time comes, to die and return to God.
It sounds simple, but you and I both know that life can get complicated and messy a lot more than it is nice and neat. That’s life for you. I think we get lessons in humility not because God is angry at us and wants to punish us, but because he wants us to depend solely on Him. This world is great, in parts, but it will fail us if we are not careful.