30 DAY LETTER CHALLENGE: DAY 10 – SOMEONE I DON’T TALK TO AS MUCH AS I’D LIKE TO

Dear M,

My heart breaks for you everyday, and I’ve have a feeling that this is how it’s going to be for the rest of my life.  I can’t even imagine the depth of your  grief over losing your baby boy.  I am sorry.  I am so sorry.  I am sorry that he’s gone, that you’ll be reminded that he is gone everyday.  I am sorry that you will feel the pain of his not being there in everything you do and everywhere you go.  I hope you know that there are lots of people who, if they could, would bring him back to you.  I hate everything about his being gone, but I know I don’t hate it as much as you do.  I can’t, because I wasn’t his mama.  You were.  How lucky you were and how lucky you still are!

I feel like I know you inside and out, and I often forget that our friendship is barely there.  We don’t talk much, and I understand that.  I told you that I am a survivor of the monster that took away your Ronan, and I’ve mostly let you sit with that.  I am not going to push you into anything you don’t want, but I do hope you know that I am here for you.  Always and forever.  I don’t remember how exactly I stumbled onto your blog, but it was early last year, and I went back and read everything you ever wrote on your blog after reading most recent one.  I’m at a loss to describe how I felt when I read that Ronan had passed away.  Devastated doesn’t even come close.  I imagine it doesn’t even come close to describing how you felt either.

I admire you, because even though you lost your son, you keep fighting for Ronan and you keep fighting for the other children who are battling cancer.  The world need this – and the world needs YOU.  Thank you for igniting this fire within me as well.  Thank you for sharing your Ronan with the world.  I have no idea what I was doing with my time before I started reading your blog posts.  Your Ronan was beautiful, so very beautiful.  And yes, he was spicy too.  I am glad you are now carrying his beauty and spiciness everywhere you go.

Both you and Ronan are loved so much more than you think.

XOXO

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