My heart breaks for you everyday, and I’ve have a feeling that this is how it’s going to be for the rest of my life. I can’t even imagine the depth of your grief over losing your baby boy. I am sorry. I am so sorry. I am sorry that he’s gone, that you’ll be reminded that he is gone everyday. I am sorry that you will feel the pain of his not being there in everything you do and everywhere you go. I hope you know that there are lots of people who, if they could, would bring him back to you. I hate everything about his being gone, but I know I don’t hate it as much as you do. I can’t, because I wasn’t his mama. You were. How lucky you were and how lucky you still are!
I feel like I know you inside and out, and I often forget that our friendship is barely there. We don’t talk much, and I understand that. I told you that I am a survivor of the monster that took away your Ronan, and I’ve mostly let you sit with that. I am not going to push you into anything you don’t want, but I do hope you know that I am here for you. Always and forever. I don’t remember how exactly I stumbled onto your blog, but it was early last year, and I went back and read everything you ever wrote on your blog after reading most recent one. I’m at a loss to describe how I felt when I read that Ronan had passed away. Devastated doesn’t even come close. I imagine it doesn’t even come close to describing how you felt either.
I admire you, because even though you lost your son, you keep fighting for Ronan and you keep fighting for the other children who are battling cancer. The world need this – and the world needs YOU. Thank you for igniting this fire within me as well. Thank you for sharing your Ronan with the world. I have no idea what I was doing with my time before I started reading your blog posts. Your Ronan was beautiful, so very beautiful. And yes, he was spicy too. I am glad you are now carrying his beauty and spiciness everywhere you go.
Both you and Ronan are loved so much more than you think.