30 DAY LETTER CHALLENGE: DAY 11 – SOMEONE WHO IS DECEASED

Dear Ronan,

Hello there, little one.  Do you know who I am?  I am sure you must know by now.  I wrote to your mama yesterday, and now I am writing to you.  To be honest, I was going to write to my grandma, but then it is Star Wars day and I thought it was the perfect day to write to you.  And I know my Mersie is looking after you.  Maybe she will be the one who reads you this letter.  We are all connected in some way, every single one of us.  And Mersie knows I love her.  Just like you know your mama and your daddy and your brothers love you.  So much love, little guy.

I feel so close to you, even though in reality we are worlds apart.  You could be right next to me and I wouldn’t know it.  I hope you are with your mama, though.  She is the one who needs you the most.  I know you must know that I survived the monster that took you away from her, and in a way, you did too, just not in the way we all wanted you to.  I prayed so hard for you, baby.  I am sorry it wasn’t enough.  I am so sorry you are gone.  Maybe you understand more than we do now – maybe it makes sense to you when it doesn’t to us – I hope it does.  I hope that when we die, all the questions we have are answered.  What is the point of all this if we don’t get any answers in the end?

What would have been your fifth birthday is coming up soon.  May 12th.  Your mama has declared it to be your day of love.  I think it is an amazing idea.  I am going to wear purple.  I am going to be sparkly.  Feisty.  Fun.  I am going to be wild and free, like you were and still are.  I will hold on tight to the ones I love.  I will think of you, as I go every day.  I won’t complain about a thing.  I will think of your beauty and your spiciness and I’ll be the same way.  I promise you, Ronan.  You didn’t lose your life for nothing.  Your mama is fighting.  I am fighting.  Everyone who ever loved you and whoever loves your mama is fighting.  We’re creating an army and we will win this war against pediatric cancer.  Even if it takes the rest of our lives, we will win.  On your birthday, I will do all things with Rolove.  Love is what is important here, after all.  It’s the only thing that matters in the end, the only thing that lasts.

I know you’re the safest you have ever been – nothing can hurt you ever again, but please, help your mama know it too.  It’s hard for her to be where you are not.  Tell Elena, Sierra, Faith, Ethan, Jessica, RJ, Tanner, Ila, and all the rest of your little friends that they are loved and missed so much.  None of you will be forgotten.

XOXO

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