My appointment last Thursday went well. I had x-rays, and I got the tape taken off my back (didn’t really feel it ripping off, which was probably a good thing). It has always been painful for me to view my own x-rays, because although I can feel my scoliosis, seeing it in black and white is another thing altogether. I think it is easier to pretend it doesn’t exist when I am not looking at the evidence. I can feel it, but seeing it is another thing altogether. It makes it more real, and that reality cuts through everything, even happiness.
My upper back still itches more than anything, although it is not constant like it was with the tape on. Two nights before my appointment, however, I felt a pinching in my right shoulder. It hasn’t gone away yet, although the physician’s assistant told me to just give it time. I don’t feel it at all when I lay down, so that is how I am spending most of my time these days. In the weeks before my surgery, I was having stomach trouble. I went to my primary care doctor a couple times because it got to be too much, and it was going on for too long for my personal comfort. I was losing weight. They eventually took my blood to test, and that is how I found out that I am anemic. I am taking iron supplements now, and although I feel tired most of the time, I am lucky because I can rest when I need to.
On Friday morning, I had another appointment to check my stomach issues out further. I have had heartburn since high school, even though I didn’t know what heartburn was back then. I suspect my scoliosis causes this. I can see and feel why it would, even without viewing any x-rays. I can’t really stand or sit up straight unless I force myself. I am not a very active person by nature, because everything else I do takes so much energy that most of the time I end up having no spare energy at all. After I saw the orthopedic surgeon and had my back x-rayed, he wanted a CT scan to get a clearer picture of what was going on. I mean, it was clear on the x-rays. We could see the broken area and we could see exactly why it was hurting where it was (in the x-rays, the top of the rod looked like it was going to poke through me, which made me wince…) But the surgeon wanted the CT to be sure. So he got it. And he found something weird. A shadow. An ultrasound revealed it to be a huge benign tumor, thank goodness, and now I have to go see another doctor for that. Happy, happy, joy, joy. When it rains, it pours, right? But through it all, I trust God…
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~ Isaiah 41:10
On a brighter note, it is now 75 more days until my brother Patrick gets married! So much to do, so little time!